wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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