I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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