and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
