one two three fourrrrnication!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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