i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
