Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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