when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
