I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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