At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
