The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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