just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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