I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
