Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
