If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
