Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
