he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
