You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
