I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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