We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
