he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
