Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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