and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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