How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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