Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
