The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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