I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
