seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
