i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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