Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just google imaged poop.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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