Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
