I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
