is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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