worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
