Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
