You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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