Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
