I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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