You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
