Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
