If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
