hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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