It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
