we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
