if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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