Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
