i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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