so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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