Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
