Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
