the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize