She announced her abortion via fbk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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