explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
