Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
