god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
