So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
