I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
