dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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