I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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