Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
