drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
