She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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