I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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