you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
