Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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