Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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