I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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