she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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