he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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