i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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