You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
