Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
