Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
