where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
