I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
