You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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