I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
