Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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