I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
