I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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