hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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