I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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