when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
