census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
