FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Are my feet made of real feet?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
