Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
