It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
love makes seman taste better
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
