god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
