I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How does one acquire holy water?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
