I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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