Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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