Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
