I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
