i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
